I was never quite sure how to “show up” for a new mom prior to my own birth experience with my daughter Madison. I would do the norm of sending flowers or dropping by with a meal, but I didn’t fully grasp how impactful my words and actions could be for a pregnant or recently pregnant friend - especially if that person had experienced a birth trauma like preeclampsia or a heartbreaking pregnancy or infant loss.
I participate in a Preeclampsia/HELLP Syndrome Survivor Group via Circle Connection, and in July, the question was posed in the group, “How did your friends show up, and with that, did relationships change after a birth trauma?”
It made me think. Given the dynamic conversation on the subject and my own personal experiences, I asked the group if I could share their insights to help others find the right way to support new parents with support, friends, and relief during this season of life. Here’s what these preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome survivors had to share about what helped them most during their most vulnerable time:
“Couples therapy helped us a lot. Because we both dealt with the trauma differently”- Courtney of @knockonmotherhood, Preeclampsia Survivor
“This [postpartum] time truly helped me realize that you most definitely need a village. And that village showed up in a way that we never even imagined. Remember, you went through something traumatic, do not compare your journey to anyone else’s because what you went through matters. I know it’s hard, but talk about it with your partner, friends, or anyone who is willing to truly LISTEN”. - Leah. B, HELLP survivor
All of the comments in the group seemed to reflect that they loved (or would have loved) that people stopped by for more reasons than to “come see the baby.”
Please note that the following recommendations were developed for situations where mom and baby make it through the experience, but tragically, preeclampsia and other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy are a major cause of infant loss. Please read our article “How to Show Up for A Preeclampsia Parent of Loss” for tips specific to supporting moms of loss.
How to Show Up for a Preeclampsia Mom:
The most important thing is to make sure that your preeclampsia survivor friend knows that she is not alone.
Resources: Here are some resources for yourself, someone expecting, or becoming a mama:
What would you add to help someone learn how to show up? We would love to hear your feedback.
Doulas can help bridge the gap for any mom, but especially those most vulnerable to maternal illness and death.
Stories of our brave women and families who have been affected by preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. Please note that due to a technical issue, we are currently fixing the images on this page.
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